When everyone else looks better than you

So I had this interesting experience today. I went into the local town just to get out of the house. And also I went in to buy myself a little gift, I’m doing 30 days of self care. Each day of the 30 days I buy myself something.  It doesn’t have to be big but it does have to be a gift.  So it can’t be something that I need if there is no pleasure in the purchase.  The purchase has to give pleasure.  I had also seen a pair of shoes in a magazine that I thought I might be able to find and was keen to try them on.

I went off to town and I was so delighted when I got there because it was so lovely to get out of the house and that was really cool and then I popped into a department store on the way to the shoe shop and I think that was where it started.

I walked into the department store and it was really really busy and I found it a bit overwhelming. Anyway then I went on to the shoe shop via a couple of other shops and then when I was in the shoe shop I just felt reallly lost.  So much of the product was higgledy piggledy and all over the place. I know it was a Sunday afternoon but there were shoes and boots everywhere and I didn’t find anything really inspiring and I didn’t enjoy being in the shop.

I found the shoes and tried them on. They didn’t suit me. And I just started to feel really deflated at that point. Then I caught sight of myself in the mirror and I thought I looked such a mess. And when I caught sight of myself the feeling that I had was shock and it felt like I’d really let myself go. And then I thought, “My goodness Sarah, you’ve normally got it together” And I looked at myself in the mirror and thought, “Oh no, this is just awful”.

Anyway, I just thought everyone else was just so much better groomed than me and I felt really despondent. And then I realised that, actually, I was probably looking at it from completely the wrong perspective.

Because what I had done is go from a day where I was actually quite chilled at home and I’d been walking the dog and doing things in the house. I hadn’t got any make up, and I was wearing a really lovely dress.  but then I put on my dog walking coat over the top to go out and left the house without thinking that I was going to a different environment and I mght not look quite right.

So basically with my dog walking look on, I went into town and then into shops, with all their artificial light and mirrors everywhere, caught sight of myself and thought I look bedraggled and out of place.

Well it’s not very surprising is it.

And it made me realise that we always have to dress according to the environment we are going in to. And so especially if we are going to the shops it’s always worth making that effort.

I saw a couple of women who I thought looked really good and one of them was wearing this beautiful coat/jacket and nice jeans and a lovley pair of boats. And I thought, yeah, you know, you’ve really got to make sure that you dress according to the environment you are gonig into. Otherwise it can make you feel really out of place.

And actually you’re not out of place at all.  All those feelings of uncomfortableness I had that led so quickly to feelings of rejection and self loathing and feelings I didn’t really know were there, they were totally misplaced. It was just simply the cumulative effect of a couple of shops being busier than I had anticipated and catching sight of myself in the mirror with no make up on and you know my doggy walking coat.  It’s a very lovely coat but I do wear it to all the dog in. And then I was wearing trainers which, with the long coat made me look dumpy and squat.

So it did make me think, “Well Sarah your outfit is great to walk the dog in, but do you really want to wear that for popping in to town and buying a couple of bits and pieces.

And then the final thing I thought about all of this is that I have no idea how I came across to other people.  There’s me thinking I’m so totally out of place and I look awful. Someone might have said, as I popped in and out of the shops, “Gosh doesn’t she look amazing without make up hasn’t she got lovely skin?” or whatever.

I’ve got NO idea what they said.  They could have said something really complimentary. We have no idea what other people think of us, or if they are thinking about us at all.  But one of our immediate reactions is often, “What will that other person think of me?” So there I was, beating myself up all way back to the car before I thought, “Ah hang on, what’s really happening here?”

Because really all that had happened is that I had dressed inappropriately and had a couple of bad experiences in shops where I just felt a bit over whelmed and didn’t really like what they were selling.

I just thought it was an interesing thought, just dress for the environment you are going to.

In a way that seems a bit ridiculous. I mean why dress up, you should just be able to turn up and go as you are.  Well that’s absolutely fine if you don’t mind how you look, in fact you don’t give it a second’s thought.

But for most of us, we do want to look good, our best even. And if that’s the case then not making an effort, or rather not making the right kind of effort is setting ourselves up to fail.

So, when you feel that everyone else looks better than you, take heart:

1. You know what to do going forward, dress for the environment you are going into.
2. Remember that you don’t know how you come across and people might be, in fact most probably will be, thinking something entirely different to what you are thinking and;
3. my best advice for this situation. Have outfits on hand that you wear for exactly the occasion I’ve just described. Have a “visiting town” outfit.  Then you don’t need to over think what to wear for the trip, you simply wear the outfit, brush your hair, add lipstick and you are good to go. Drama averted!

Have you heard that here at Working Frocks we are creating a membership site for women.  It’s so exciting, the group is called reDRESS. It’s a site for women like you to come and learn how find you unique style, dress out of your identity, clear out your wardrobes, have the perfect outfits ready to wear each and every day, plus lots more. I’ve wanted to do this for a long time. It’s long been a passion of mine to create a space for women to come and be able to spend some quality time on yourselves.  And now it is nearly ready to launch.

If you are interested in finding out more and knowing when the doors open then have a look at the About reDRESS page and sign up to be notified when you are able to sign up.  Of course I hope that you join us, I’m so excited and just know how valuable this group will be for so many women, and maybe for you too.

Have a great week amazing women!

Sarah