“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
I wonder if Mr Emerson was looking directly into my life when he wrote that phrase. Something that I have realised over the last however many years is how much I have let other people, knowingly or unknowingly, try to shape me into the image of who they thought I should be.
They thought I should have a safe job.
They thought I should or should not be in whichever relationship.
They thought I should go to church, but oh maybe not be so enthusiastic about it?
They thought
They thought
They thought
And the problem wasn’t that they were or weren’t correct.
The problem was that I believed them.
And relied on their opinion of me to guide my opinion of me.
Instead of working it out myself.
I panicked, had self doubt, thought I was the only person in the world who got things wrong.
Instead of which I should have come right back to embrace my identity.
But I didn’t know that.
What to do when you get to one of life’s crossroads
When you get to one of life’s crossroads, as we all do, and you want to change, you want to become the next version of yourself.
But you can only do that if you know who you are in the first place.
And if you don’t know who your identity is then you won’t know to trust yourself to get back to that secure place of identity.
That was me.
So who are you?
Have you ever felt like your true self is hidden beneath layers of expectations and what society or your family or friends expect of you? And if so, do you think it might be time to uncover the real you and let your authentic identity shine?
Or does that thought scare you?
Or if it doesn’t scare you would you maybe not know where to start?
At Working Frocks and particularly in the Stylish Wellness Institute where we devote an entire module to identity, we know that understanding your identity is one of the keys to unlocking a life of confidence, style and wellbeing. Your identity shapes how you present yourself to the world and how you care for your mind and body.
Your identity will be one of the driving factors in answering questions like these:
What do you like about yourself?
What would you like to change about yourself?
What life experiences have you enjoyed or would you like to stop?
What do you enjoy doing or not doing?
What clothes do you enjoy wearing and which ones are you just tolerating?
How would you like to look, what new aspect of your personality would you like to embrace?
The importance of knowing your identity
Many women struggle with feeling disconnected from their true selves. Whether it’s due to career demands, family responsibilities, or life’s pressures, losing touch with who we are can leave us feeling unfulfilled and out of sync with ourself.
I know for myself, and I have spoken about this on the podcast that for so many years my expectation of myself was what was out there in society, in the media. I thought I needed to have a body and face and hairstyle and clothes of what was portrayed out there in the media.
And this only ever made me unhappy because I could never be like a certain model, or another women, any other women, because I’m not created to be her. I’m created to be myself.
And then one day I finally realised that what I wanted most of all is to be myself.
To be me.
And I used to look at women who I regarded as being successful and living their lives well and I couldn’t work out what made them different to me. What made them better than me that meant they had this great life or a great career.
And now I realise that there wasn’t anything inherently different about them compared with me. But in a few small areas we were different and this made all the difference.
And one of these small, but vital areas is that these women were themselves. They knew how to be themselves and to be themselves well. They didn’t want to be anyone else, or rather they didn’t think that they would be validated by being or being like anyone else. They knew that it was enough that they were themselves.
Preparing for reinvention
Maybe you know that for a long time you have thought that if only you were more like ‘so and so’ you would be more successful. Or maybe you thought that if your body looked a certain way, you looked a certain way then that would be success for you on a personal level.
And maybe you know that you are ready for a personal change in your life, you are ready to reinvent yourself, to become more you and to change your life immeasurably by just learning to be yourself.
And if this is the case, then start to prepare for that change, that reinvention, now.
Reinventing yourself is an inner game.
That is the problem with well-meaning friends and family.
They can’t reach into the inner you and talk to her.
That’s not their role.
It’s yours.
It’s your job in life to get to know yourself, to understand yourself and then to create the best life for you that suits you and your particular individual make up.
The first step in going forward is to go back
If you’re longing for a change in your life I think it’s wonderful that you want to charge ahead and make changes and be proactive and create wonderful high vibration energy around your change.
But first, take a step back.
Remember who you are.
Truly, truly embrace your identity.
Understanding who you are is one of life’s gifts
You may want to run far away from yourself and not want to understand yourself, and I totally understand that.
For many years I didn’t want to know who I am.
I thought I wasn’t thin enough, successful enough, bright enough.
I thought I was a failure.
I could cry now when I think that I really thought I was a failure. I didn’t think I was a failure in a really dramatic way, I just accepted it. I thought that everyone else would be successful, but I was a failure.
But what I was doing was believing someone else’s version of me and my life.
Start by loving yourself
So firstly start by learning to love yourself. Understanding yourself is loving yourself. That takes many forms but three aspects are:
Learning to be authentic with yourself – Knowing your identity helps you live authentically and make choices that align with your true self
Developing self-confidence – when you embrace your identity, you naturally exude confidence and self-assurance.
Have a clear direction – A clear sense of identity provides direction and purpose, guiding your style and wellness choices.
Three easy exercises to embrace your identity
If you want to make a start on your identity, both how you think about yourself now and how you would like to be in the future then you can start with these three easy but effective exercises:
Keep a style file
Keep a file of styles you like and women whose look you admire and whose lives, for example their careers, you admire. This will help you when you want to develop your new look and will give you a kick start. It will also help you focus when you are considering new futures and potential next career roles.
Be interested in your own life
Know what interests you and engages you. Keep a list. Develop hobbies, change your life, do new things. It’s hard to do them when you are thinking from cold. But when you are aware of what is around you that you would like to do, whether for work or for a hobby, you’ll be able to engage so much better with your own life.
Actively become you
Work on actively becoming you. Learn to manage yourself in the life you have been given. We are not victims of our lives, we are conquerors of our lives. Managing yourself in your life includes managing your day, planning your day, deciding what you want from the day. Look for areas in your life where you are giving away your power. Is it at work, or maybe at home, or maybe even with friends.
Continually work on becoming you. This is one the greatest gifts we can give ourselves.
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